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Sunday, October 28, 2007
I've Moved!

It's been a while, I know.

If I have any loyal readers left, I'd like to tell you I've moved to here.

Drop me a message, make your presence felt.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Hello there.

I hope you didn't miss me that much. I know, I have been quite negligent with this blog for months now, although there were times when I was itching to write, but couldn't, or wouldn't. Being the OC that I am, I am annoyed with the whole interface of my blog engine and even though I've been wanting to switch to wordpress and have my own domain, it is unfortunately unavailable. That will have to wait. But I think I'm making excuses for my silence.

I've been lazy, perhaps. Lack of writing material has not been a problem, in fact my life has been richly enhanced within the last three months. I've loved, cried, laughed heartily, made love in full abandon, tilted my head towards the sun, and then lost all of it.
I have lived, vividly.

And I have changed.

My life has returned to its mundane cycle, but I am nonetheless happy. With this, it is only fair to tell you that I won't be writing anytime soon. I shall be keeping this blog, of course, or should I move to another, I will definitely let you know.

Till then,
The Bitch Goddess

Monday, February 12, 2007
An Unlikely Bride

Truth be told, I hate weddings. Not because I'm bitter nor jaded, but because I find it to be a mere theatrical production staged by two sweating people up front. I've never been to a comfortable wedding; it was always too hot and stuffy. I find it ridiculous, really, at why the entourage has to look exactly the same when the same dress does not necessarily flatter different body types, at why couples impose a strictly formal attire when you can expect some people to come in on their cocktail dresses and short-sleeved barongs, sans for the upperclass, who know too well to actually RSVP and follow the dress code. Most Filipino weddings, I have realised, is a circus. Because our culture is highly family oriented, it is considered a great offense if you do not invite your relatives to the 5th degree. I've organised many weddings in the past and the most difficult process, and usually the longest, is sizing down the guest list. There's just too many people you're afraid to offend. Mothers and daughters usually argue about this; the mother wanting to invite as many of her friends as possible, and the daughter trying to cut down costs. Sometimes, when things get really heated up and I am forced to mediate, all I really want to do is to scream at them and ask, "Who are you trying to please, really?"

For this year alone, I have about 7 weddings to attend, and that's only until the 2nd quarter. When I received all the invitations last year, I was overwhelmed. I was like, why are all these people suddenly getting married? What's going on? And most importantly, since these people are in the same circles, I realised with great horror that I cannot recycle my dresses! Ugh. I need to buy 7 different ones. Oh dear. I momentarily cursed at these couples for being so desperate to get hitched. Why oh why are y'all getting married at the same time?!

And then I realised, I am turning 27. For most women, it is the ideal age to settle down. I, however, have yet to travel the world, establish my company in foreign shores, and so much more. So yeah, most of my peers subjected themselves to social and peer pressure. Bah, such mediocrity!

Okay, that's bitterness talking. Where is this coming from, you ask? Blame my nosy mom. I would have chosen not to know. She just couldn't resist asking my dad's staff during lunch today. Noticing that the usual staff was short, she asked where Rockstar was and they told her.

Rockstar got married yesterday.

Again, like most surprising things that unfold before me, I choked. Why is it that I always have to have something in my mouth when these things happen?! (see The Swan entry).

My sister nudged me to relay the news, and I flippantly said "I know, I know. Of course I know". Actually, I didn't know and I wasn't invited.

And then I felt their stares. I stood up to head for the buffet table. I lingered for a while. Let them talk. I'm used to people talking about me.

I'm having mixed feelings about it. To be clear, I am over him, I mean I really am over him.  And that was it for him.  That was the most that he could give.  And everytime I think about it I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing, letting him go to grow his "wings". How the hell would I know that he'd hook up with this midget shortly after that, and marry her a few months after? "Grow my wings" my ass.

I started getting pissed. And then, sad. Food started to taste bland and I felt like Sally, in that particular scene of the movie, When Harry Met Sally.

Sally: Could you come over?

Harry: What's the matter?

Sally: He's getting married.

Harry: Who?

Sally: Joe.

Harry: I'll be right there.

(Sally opens the door for Harry, she is covered in tears.)

Sally: Hi.

Harry: Are you alright?

Sally: Come on in.

(Harry closes the door behind him.)

Sally: I'm sorry to call you so late.

Harry: It's alright.

Sally: I need a Kleenex.

Harry: OK.

Sally: OK?

(They walk into Sally's bedroom.)

Sally: He just called me up 'wanted to see how you were', fine. 'How are you?', fine. His secretary's on vacation, everything's all backed up and he's got a big case to do, blah blah blah. And I'm sitting on the phone I'm thinking, I'm over him, I really am over him. I can't believe that I'd ever be remotely interested in any of that.

And then he said I have some news. She works in his office, she's a paralegal, her name is Kimberley. (Sob, Sob.)

He just met her. She's suppose to be his transitional person, she's not suppose to be the one. All this time I've been saying that he didn't want to get married, but the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.

Harry: If you could take him back right now, would you?

Sally: No, but why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?

Harry: Aw, nothing.

Sally: I'm difficult.

Harry: You're challenging.

Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.

Harry: But in a good way.

Sally: No, no, no I drove him away, and I'm going to be forty.

Harry: When?

Sally: Someday.

At least Joe called her to tell her. Even if we're not in speaking terms right now (I started it - I just ignored his text messages one day which resulted in a spat), I still thought we were okay, civil, at the very least. Come on, he works for my dad, bumping into him is inevitable, and surely, he's always reminded of me everytime he goes to his office since our family portrait is prominently displayed.

I whined about this to my boyfriend, and his usual understanding self calmed whatever self-doubts that started to surface. For a while, I started to question my self-worth, getting more and more convinced that marriage is not for me because men will always want me for all the wrong reasons except to be their wife.

Peter Cade
I guess this means no tiara for me then.

It would have been really cool if my boyfriend proposed right then and there just to appease me. But since we both share the same philosophy on weddings and how fake it is, I doubt that we're getting married ourselves.

I'm just pissed though. Come on! I was sooo looking forward to make this year's Valentine's happier as opposed to last year, THE day he actually chose to break up with me. He ruined this year too, without even really trying.

More about this on my upcoming podcast. I'm not gonna whine, promise.

Saturday, January 06, 2007
The Swan

The funniest and weirdest thing happened today. But let me tell you some background first. Warning: Lengthy.

Way back in college, I had this guy classmate whom nobody would want to talk to, nor be seen with for the sole reason that he smells. He hardly showered nor brushed his teeth because he always thought it was okay--they had centralized housing, after all, and he could always have his teeth "fixed" if needed.

He was also quite a character. He was always seen walking around the campus garden, practicing martial arts on his own, sweating like a pig and smelling like one during class. He was brought up the traditional Chinese way, and he was expected to join the family business after school. Needless to say, his family is rich, and he always went to school with a driver.

He never owned a pair of jeans in his entire life, and his daily uniform consisted of a white shirt, tucked into baston trousers, usually black or brown, and white rubber shoes, and of course, his nylon belt bag. One day, he went to school with a huge nose strip across his face, and when I asked why he had that, he said "a huge acne burst right where my glasses tipped my nose".

Because he only spoke English (he was brought up by his nanny watching english TV shows and nothing but), and hardly the local dialect, this sort of alienated my classmates further, who preferred speaking the dialect. He was also quite complicated and very intelligent; his IQ was 183, and somehow, even professors were intimidated by him. He was known for his one-liners; his replies were short but they always made sense, in a philosophical way.

People laughed at him, of course, he didn't have any friends, nobody could relate to his Chinese philosophies and people were intimidated by him. The thing was, he was oblivious to it all and continued attending class, speaking to people politely and diplomatically as if he was well-liked.

Anyway, because I have a thing for eccentric characters, I befriended him, endured his dragon-breath only because I was in wanting of those deep, philosophical discussions (hey, I was a freshman, think Dead Poets Society days) and he always took me home. My classmates eventually got wind of our friendship and mercilessly teased me for acquiring a new "best friend" because shortly after that, he constantly followed me and wanted to be with me because "I was the only one who bothered" to talk to him.

I asked him one day if he considered me as a friend, and that I had something very important to tell him, and if I was a friend to him, I'm doing him a favor because real friends tell people what's wrong with them before others do so. Nodding, he asked me to say my piece.

"Well, Kirby, the truth is, have you ever considered buying deodorant?"

Eyes blinking through thick glasses, he casually answered No.

And, in one breath, I said, "Ever wondered why people don't talk to you and avoid you? It's because you smell. And your mouth smells. Please please, let me buy you a toothbrush. And while we're at the store, why don't we buy you some jeans too? They're very comfortable, you know. Don't dress like your dad; that's how GI's (Genuine Intsik) do. And what about a backpack or something? You don't sell fish, so get rid of that nylon beltbag. And yeah, you'd look more handsome without your glasses, let's go to your optometrist. Lastly, try to speak in the local language so you can relate people and have other friends aside from me because really, people are starting to wonder about us, and this, my friend, is social suicide for me! So, let me help you, I'm begging you, if you need me to drag you in the shower, I'll do that!"

"Okay. Let's go."

Just like that. I was amazed at how he didn't take things personally, and that nobody ever told him that he smelled! So, I took him shopping, and he complained how it's hard to get rid of his trousers because they were soooo comfortable. Duh. There were moth holes already! My dentist also went quiet for a few seconds before he annouced MAJOR cleaning to be done.

The next day, he went to school in his spanking new jeans, whiter (and cleaner) teeth, new haircut, got rid of his glasses and belt bag, and for once, during our entire first year, he looked normal. People started to talk to him, hesitant at first, but I assured them that he had his shower. My friends were impressed, never thinking that I brought some change into his life. No, I think it was more of the fact that he allowed ME to make some changes. Believe me, people, I was a proud momma that day. But of course, it only lasted a day. He went back to his old clothes, although he showered and brushed his teeth more frequently. But I still consider it to be such a great accomplishment during those times.

Shortly after that, I moved to another campus, and we lost touch, but saw each other again during our Christmas party that year. He wasn't expecting me to be around and for a couple of minutes, I was wondering where he run off to. Thirty minutes later, he came back, huffing and puffing, and pulled me aside to give me his shabbily wrapped gift. I was surprised and was really touched by the gesture. I opened it and it was a gold necklace with Chinese characters which meant Luck. And at that moment, my friends started to give me their teasing, mocking looks again. Although his personal hygiene got better, he was still regarded the same way, and they felt obliged to invite him to the party only because I forced them not to leave him out.

When I went home, I examined the necklace much closer only to find that he forgot to remove the price sticker at the back of the box. That is sooo typical of him! However, I was surprised it cost him that much. Knowing him to be such a thrifty, typical Chinese, I was slightly flattered that he blew some money on this one.

We didn't see each other for years, but we'd exchange one-liners on SMS every now and then, and I remember him calling long distance only to listen to me bawl how Chinese boyfriends never make good boyfriends (case in point: B, the spineless guy).

I went home three years ago and every now and then, he'd ask me out to movies. Nothing really special about it. They can't be considered dates either. There was nothing romantic about it, and although he started wearing jeans then, I still had to be on the lookout for my friends.

So, today, he texted me after 2 months since he last asked me out which I politely declined. I was having brunch when I read his message.

Kirby: Hi, TBG.

TBG: Hi there. Happy new year. What's up?

Kirby: Movie?

TBG: Hm. I just woke up. What do you have in mind?

Kirby: Movie. Motel. The usual. What time should I pick you up?

Seriously, I almost CHOKED. He was kidding, right?

TBG: Sounds good! Haha. Wow, I didn't know you're into that.

Kirby: Why not? Last I checked, I'm a guy.

TBG: Yeah, but I always thought of you as wholesome. And last time you confessed, you were a virgin. Has that changed?

Kirby: Find out personally :p I could be in your house in 10 minutes. Want me to prove it to you?

TBG: Uhhh, nooooo. I just woke up, I'm having brunch and I'm    still feeling lazy. Seriously, what's on?

Kirby: A bunch of Tagalog movies. That Judy Ann-Ryan thing. Nothing I can stand. Seriously. I can prove it to you. Performance evaluation.

Ignore, ignore.

TBG: Okay, I guess I can't stand that either. So, what now?

Kirby: Let's go straight to the motel then. Should be fun. I want to do something fun. Or do someone fun.

TBG: Hahaha. I don't know if I should be taking you seriously.

Kirby: Take it as it is.

TBG: Should I? Take you seriously I mean.

Kirby: It's up to you.

Hmm, he was playing it safe. I was like a shocked momma who found some used, torn condom wrappers in his room. At that point, I was really confused, and in a way, in denial. I wanted to probe more. I was really curious now. I mean, who would want to sleep with him?!?! (hehe)

TBG: So, when was the last time you got laid? (I was kinda hoping he'd take it all back in his reply)

Kirby: Late last year.

TBG: Okaaay. How do you hook up with your ladies then?

Kirby: How do fishermen fish? Duh. Net. Friends. Bars. Clubs. Gym.

Wow. He's on a roll. He really IS serious.

TBG: Wow. Good for you then. (ack) And I guess these are random girls?

Kirby: Yes. Beautiful ones, too.

TBG: You're into that? Random girls, I mean?

Kirby: Why not? Could be better. Better than nothing though.

TBG: Yeah, why not. You're young, you're rich, you're that typical Chinese guy with that hot car. Sure, girls should be all over you. I guess I've changed. It used to be like that for me before. But now, I can't stand to do it if I'm not in a relationship. Were you ever in one? For real.

Kirby: I'm gonna be busy in a couple of hours. Are we on or what?

Ignored my question, eh?

TBG: I'm not sure. I don't like what's on.

Kirby: Like I said, let's go straight to the motel then.

TBG: Haha. Right. Sure!

Kirby: Wow, I've always wanted you! I can't believe you said yes! I'm leaving now.

TBG: Whaaa? Hey, I was kidding! You told me it's up to me if I should take you seriously or not. I chose not to! You're that geeky, oily, smelly Kirby I know! You are not a stud! You are not horny! You are not this Kirby now!

Kirby: Get over it, TBG. I've changed. Oh well, some other time then.

And that's that. I still don't know what to make out of it. I've been laughing all day. But, deep down, I am rather disappointed at how he turned out. Just like the guys I used to date. He could've done better. He really could have.

Oh well, I *heart* geeks.

Happy New Year! / Podcast #1

Happy New Year, dahlings. In the spirit of starting things anew, I made a couple of changes on this blog. If you've obviously noticed, I revamped the look and feel of this blog to a cleaner, easily navigated site. I hope you like it.

Secondly, I have my first podcast up! It will be a monthly thing, so watch out for it.

To subscribe to the podcast, click HERE.

If you want to download it as an .mp3, click HERE.

I hope you enjoy it. I'd like to hear from YOU as well! Click on the SUBSCRIBE button of this site for different venues for you to reach me. I prefer email though and I'll do my best to get back to you.

Cheers to the new year ahead!

Thursday, January 04, 2007
Under Construction

I know, I know, bear with me. Working progress. Tagboard isnt working yet, so just leave comments in here.

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